Today in an unprecedented release, Quill-Weave shook her fans to the core with this revelation that has sent millions into panic:
When asked to comment further, our favorite Argonian quipped, “Maybe they should just find a nice girlfriend?”
Our intrepid reporters immediately took to the streets to get the reaction from the masses.
“I… don’t know what to think,” said one fan, obviously heartbroken. “I sent her a marriage proposal just last week. But she never wrote back. Please, I’m just trying to piece my life back together. Leave me alone!”
Another expressed disbelief and outrage. “She was coerced obviously. There’s no way this could be true. There should be a congressional investigation or something. I will never believe it.”
Still others seemed to be resigned to the new normal. This distraught fan expressed the common reaction of most:
“I don’t care. Drawing, CGI model. Pixels on a screen. It doesn’t matter. She may be a drawing, but she’s still a PERSON. She has feelings like you and me. No one should be subjected to the outrage you in the mainstream media are putting her through!”
To gauge the reaction from the female public, the most common response was, “Quill-Who?”
We filmed one fan who hadn’t gotten the news yet. His first reaction, “Hey. She’s naked!” His second, “Get out of my room!”
In a brief statement, Quill’s publicist and creator, Kazerad had this to say.
“Well, she… kinda is. I mean, I just draw her sometimes. I don’t know why it’s big news to anybody.”
It’s obvious that Kazerad is trying to distance himself from Quill-Weave’s outrageous declaration, but deep undercover operatives have discovered that in fact he has a room FULL of pictures of the lovely lizard. Some fully dressed, some scantily clad. When asked point-blank about this, he denied further comment and closed his door.
That is the up-to-the-minute news, but we haven’t yet heard the last of this. Some have expressed the belief that Quill-Weave herself is, in fact, being held a prisoner in some dark basement in Maryland under the control of the nefarious Kazerad. Until law enforcement begins to take this seriously, we can only speculate on what terrible fate lies in store for the Matriarch of Prequel.
As one of her biggest fans attests (and we can confirm we found no bigger fans), “WE BELIEVE IN YOU!”
Author’s note: I have no idea why I did this. It’s just another Kazerad sketch I colored. I suppose it’s a little nsfw. A little.
Got another commission from Kaz I colored here. I’ve always thought that scene in
Quill-Weave: Take control of the situation where she’s playing an RPG with a couple of friends was an awesome concept. So I wondered what her player character would look like.
So I commissioned Kaz to do one with her PC. Here’s the result after some cleanup work from the scan.
Here’s the image after I added some flat-color to it. I obviously had to make up some of the colors since there’s no reference, but I thought I saw some Wonder Woman vibe going on with the PC. Also, in a stream a while back Kaz was playing Elder Scrolls online with a friend and both were sporting a couple skinny sneks so I kinda incorporated that in a little too.
A little soft shading and background got me this:
And then some higlhighting…
I’ll try and link these to their high-res counterparts here. I think I kinda over-thought the breast shading (because I do that a lot) so I might have kinda screwed that up, but I’m going with it. Hey, at least I didn’t add nip bumps to any of em!
They took the first subway heading to Coney Island. Draggy realized after the first couple of stops that this was a Local and was going to take a long time to get there, but the air conditioning was way too nice so he just sat back and enjoyed it. By the time they arrived the sun was beginning to set and he felt like himself again.
“Is there a bathroom here?” Riona asked as they got off the train.
“Well… yeah… but it’s…” Draggy started to explain but Riona had spotted it and was gone. Some twenty minutes later she emerged in a state of shell shock.
“Everything come out all right in the end?” Draggy joked, but she just stared at him blankly.
“Let’s get out of here.” she said quietly.
Draggy led her towards the boardwalk. “What’s wrong? That bad?”
“I’ve seen garbage dumps more sanitary than that place. Roadside gas stations. OUTHOUSES!”
Then she saw the lights and all thoughts of the nastiness she must have experienced were obliterated.
“Oh! It’s like a carnival!”
“Yup. Pretty much. I guess this is where all the Joe Shmoes from New York go on the weekend to get away.”
“Wow! I never expected to see anything like THIS in the city!”
“Look over there. The ocean!”
“I didn’t bring a bathing suit.”
“Who needs one of those?!” Draggy laughed but Riona gave him a scowl.
“Just kidding. I don’t really think you’d want to go in the water anyway. It’s awfully close to New York. Too close.”
In fact, they noticed that in all the time they spent there, they only saw one person actually in a bathing suit. And that was a sight Draggy could have done without. “She’s not a cast member of Cats, that’s for sure!”
Draggy sat on a bench while Riona Checked In and did her picture thing while Draggy was in heaven watching the people stroll by and the sun go down. Finally they decided to get something to eat.
“Not exactly any four-star restaurants around, but I noticed a Wahlburgers back there.”
“Isn’t that the TV show one? By the Wahlbergs?”
“That’s the one. Though don’t expect too much. I read reviews on Tripadvisor. It’s probably iffy at best. Though they do have those thin onion rings I like a lot!”
And, in fact, it was quite good! They sat at the window counter and watched people go by while Riona had a Donnie’s Special and Draggy had an Own Burger. Not bad at all. But it was getting late and between the long subway ride back to the Ferry, the Ferry itself and the flight back to their hotel it was time to get going.
“Just one thing first. It’s kinda tradition. If you’re not going to eat a Nathan’s Famous hot dog, you at least have to get some saltwater taffy. There’s a candy store on the way back.”
And in fact, they did get some taffy. Draggy couldn’t help but comment on the candy underwear they actually DID sell there too, but none had tail-holes so they passed on them.
The ride back was long and boring, but they were both pretty worn out and went right to sleep without even trying any of their taffy.
Draggy awoke early the next day and pulled out his laptop. This was going to be their last day before returning to Georgia and he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to try his very best to find some restaurant that sold Taylor Ham – whatever that was. After some searching he did finally find a restaurant named the Urban Griddle in Elizabeth New Jersey that not only sold it, but did breakfast till 3pm! Riona didn’t sound so excited, but the reviews were quite good so they flew there and were seated pretty quickly. Riona had a rather awesome-looking omelet while Draggy finally got his coveted Taylor Ham with eggs over easy, toast and potatoes. It was glorious!
Draggy shared some of the “ham” with Riona who agreed it tasted somewhere in the middle between real ham and Spam. Always good to try something unique! Then they took the Ferry in one last time and weighed their options.
“Well, we really need to go One World Trade Center. Last time we were here the towers were still standing,” Draggy pointed out.
“Okay but I want to go to Chinatown and Little Italy before we leave too.”
“Oh! That reminds me. I read that there’s some souvenir stands in Chinatown that are surely cheaper than those we saw at Times Square.”
“And Bryant Park. I want to go there too.”
“Sounds good. There’s a big New York Public Library right around there too. I’ve always wanted to visit that. I used to be a big fan of an author who said he spent many happy hours there.”
“Oh? Who’s that?”
“A guy named Isaac Asimov.”
“Never heard of him.”
“No, I didn’t think you would have. Golden Era Scifi mostly. Ever hear of the Foundation trilogy? Fantastic Voyage? I, Robot?”
“I… don’t think so.”
“Well, no matter. It’ll probably be closed anyway. But I still want to go.”
In the end they managed all of them, though they decided against going up to One World Observatory due to the long lines. But the memorial was pretty awesome in a solemn way. They stopped into a Chinatown restaurant where Draggy tried something called Soup Dumplings. The waiter showed him the proper way to eat them, sort of sipping the soup out of them and then pouring in a little vinegar and ginger sauce. They were, in a word, weird and delicious. The library was indeed closed by the time they got there, but Draggy got some pictures of the concrete lions on the steps and at least felt he had stood where the great Asimov had once stood. And that was nice.
They got an early start the next day. Draggy was eager to get home actually. Maybe a little too eager. Riona managed to sleep for a while but by the time they got to Virginia she was repeating two words to herself over and over. “SLOW DOWN!”
But in the end they made it back and spent the entire Saturday in bed resting, recuperating, and other a few other amusements – which was really all Draggy had wanted to do anyway.
Author’s note: This has been about 50% fiction and 50% road trip blog. There are candy underwear for sale in IT’SUGAR though. And I can confirm it is possible to get from Carteret NJ to Atlanta in one day. (Not sure if flying on the back of a dragon would be faster or not though.)
The rain had let up by the time they got to Times Square and there was about a million pictures taken. Draggy reflected on how much film that would have cost back in the day. However, the day was still pretty gloomy so they decided this would be a good night to go to a Broadway show. However, they had no tickets to anything and Draggy was notoriously cheap anyway so they went to the TKTS discount booth in Times Square.
“What about Aladdin?” Riona asked. “See if they have anything for that.”
The guy in the booth just shook his head. “Disney never goes on discount.”
“Hamilton?” Draggy asked with a hopeful look.
He’d never actually seen someone spurt his drink out of his nose before. This trip was turning out to be full of new experiences!
“What about that Gloria Estefan show?” Riona suggested.
“We have that available. It would be $240 for two.”
“$240?” Draggy squeaked and looked at Riona dismally.
“It’s ending it’s run soon so there’s not much discount on it.”
How does that make any sense at all? Draggy wondered. But the mysteries of Broadway ticket pricing eluded him. Then an inspiration struck.
“Cats?”
The ticket guy looked at him. “Well. Yeah. $160 for two for Cats.”
Draggy looked hopefully at Riona.
“Cats. Figures. Sure, let’s go see Cats.”
“You know, you really are a furry,” she said as they wandered off in search of more weird people to take pictures of.
They arrived at the theater later and stood in line before the doors opened.
“Anything worth watching HAS to have a line,” Draggy suggested, but inside he was REALLY hoping she liked the show. He’d seen it once before long, long ago. As he recalled, he enjoyed the hell out of it, but it didn’t really have much of a story. At least not in the normal sense. But he was committed now and he could only hope.
When they entered the theater, the first thing that struck him was that it seemed a lot smaller than he remembered. But they handed the tickets to the usher and she told them, “Front row on the left.” Front row? REALLY? COOL!
Even Riona seemed awfully happy at that. Things were looking up!
And looking up is what they did. The stage was literally a couple of feet in front of them and a lot of the action took place off the stage in the audience as well as at the very front. Draggy also noticed that Spandex is an excellent material choice for costumes as long as the bodies they cover are as toned and fit as these were! Whereas in most plays that center on singing and acting, Cats is, if anything, more focused on dance than anything else. By the end of the show, Riona was happily humming “Memories” all the way back to the hotel.
“All things considered,” Draggy thought as he fell to sleep that night to the sound of a happily purring Riona beside him, “a VERY successful first day in NYC! Not bad for a gloomy day.”
The next day the two again left late. But the day was clear and sunny, and this time they were headed to Brooklyn. Though they’d both been to NYC before, neither had actually walked across the Brooklyn Bridge. Draggy was pretty good with the subway map by then and they came up near City Hall. Just one thing was worrying Draggy a bit. The entrance to the bridge began almost halfway into Manhattan. And it was getting past midday by the time they got there. Things were getting hot.
It started out well enough. They’d stopped for some mango slices from a vendor on the bridge and Brooklyn didn’t look TOO far. But the sun was already beating down and Draggy stopped to rest in the meager shade of the railing while Riona began her ritual of photos. There were certainly enough odd types there to take pictures of!
“Good thing we’re normal!” Draggy thought inwardly, not unaware of the inherent unlikeliness of that.
Eventually they got out over the water where Draggy hoped a breeze would pick up. It didn’t. What did happen was all shade from the towering buildings of Manhattan was lost and the next of the two massive support structures ahead. Two supports holding up a bridge over a mile long. Thirteen YEARS to complete. Started in 1870 – five years after the Civil War ended and still handling modern traffic. That’s impressive by any standard. But the great Mr. Roebling neglected to build an awning.
The affable smile was beginning to fade from Draggy’s face by the time they finally reached the first support tower where he plopped onto his haunches with his back to the tower while Riona cheerfully Checked In on Facebook. She managed to find a male model doing a shoot there and seemed as happy as could be.
“Damn latin blood,” Draggy thought as he panted away the heat. “She’s not bothered in the slightest.”
He managed to polish off the last of his water before they began again to cover the span between the towers. He was almost happy when Riona started showing signs of discomfort herself as she stopped and opened her water bottle. He looked back, knowing they were only halfway, and realizing that there was no sense turning back now. When finally they reached the second tower, Riona was happy to sit beside him in the shade for a while.
“Kinda hot isn’t it?” she mentioned.
Draggy answered her with a look of pure misery, his tongue lolling from the side of his mouth.
“Here, have some of mine,” she said, offering her water bottle. Draggy downed it greedily.
“Oh! Look down there! There’ll be great pictures from there!” Riona said, looking at the Brooklyn riverside and a nice looking walkway along the water’s edge.
By the time they got to the end of the bridge, Draggy was thinking of the Bataan death march. Even Riona didn’t bother to lift her phone to take pictures until after they’d got some lemonade nearby.
Draggy happily squatted on a bench, sipping lemonade judiciously and watching Riona “Oooh and Ahhhh” at the sight of the bridge from underneath.
“Well, there’s one thing off my bucket list anyway,” he thought.
Riona returned to sit beside him for a while, having sated her thirst for lemonade and pictures. “So, what’s next?”
Draggy and Riona arrived at Kazerad’s frequent hangout, the Arundel Mills mall.
“Well, this is nicer than I expected,” Riona admitted as she climbed down off Draggy’s back.
“Check it out, Ree. Egyptian-themed movie theater. Anubis never looked so cool!”
Riona took some pictures while Draggy looked up the statue’s loincloth. "Nope. Nothing.“
"You sound disappointed. Come on, let’s go see this Kazerad guy.”
Kazerad spotted them right off and gestured them over. He had his phone setup all in place. However, Draggy was somewhat disappointed to see that the camera-phone was not, in fact, being held up by Katia. Also he always imagined Kaz would sit over in some obscure corner. But no, he was there right in the middle of things. Finally, he was somewhat surprised to see that Kazerad was not, in fact, abnormally small. But what else transpired there must remain outside this story because it would make little sense if I told you that Riona was created there that night. So let’s just move along shall we?
“No, you were right. It wasn’t THAT awkward after all.”
“Well, I was being on my best behavior. So were the guys on the Internet actually.”
“So, did you have a good time Draggy?”
“Absolutely! And I only drank 1 glass of… whatever that stuff that Kaz was drinking was. It was pretty good too. I think he was going light on me. He knows I don’t touch the harder stuff.”
“Well he was a lot nicer than I imagined, I admit. So… what’s up tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow we go to New Jersey and check into the hotel, but we have all day to do that so I thought we’d stop by Philadelphia. It’s on the way.”
“Oh no, not the Liberty Bell again.”
“Not a big fan of the whole Revolutionary War era stuff there?”
“I was, but I’ve seen it. And a broken bell is really not all that interesting after the first 20 minutes.”
Draggy had to agree. Especially when they encase it all in dragon-proof glass so you can’t tap on it with your claws to make it ring. Where’s the fun in that?
“What about stopping for a Philly Cheesesteak?”
“Draggy, you remember? They make them with Cheeze-Whiz! I like the Cheesesteaks in Atlanta better than those!”
“Well, let’s at least stop in and get some pictures. Not much else to do and I don’t plan to go into New York tomorrow.”
In the end, they did stop in Philadelphia, got some semi-interesting pictures, shared a cheesesteak sandwich (with Provolone thank you very much!) and got the hell out of there.
“No, I don’t think we’ll be stopping in Philly next time,” Draggy agreed as they passed over New Jersey. “Besides, we’ve been to TWO Philadelphias this trip remember!”
“Yes Draggy. Two Philadelphias. That was mildly funny when you mentioned it the first 10 times.”
Finally they landed in Carteret, New Jersey and, after explaining to the front desk clerk that Draggy was not actually a large dog, they checked into their room.
“Wow! I haven’t seen this in 40 years Ree! A phone in the BATHROOM!”
“Hey stud, come check ME out!”
Draggy recognized that tone of voice. He crooked his neck around the corner. Riona was laying seductively across the bed, her hand languidly caressing a $.25 vibrating bed box.
“Is this the Honeymoon suite?” she laughed. “I don’t know if I’ve EVER seen one of these before! Got a quarter?”
“Only the best for you my dear!” Draggy quipped then started fumbling around for change. Then realized he had no pockets. “Does it take credit cards?” he asked desperately.
“Oh, forget it my draggy. We can break this bed in properly without it!” she laughed as his face brightened considerably.
They did not, in fact, leave the room that night at all except for one trip to the checkout counter that a dishevelled Riona made to get change for a dollar.
For a change, it was Riona who was up first the next morning. “Rise and shine Draggy! I’m hungry,” she said, already dressed and ready.
“Where shall we eat? A guy on the Internet says I should try something called Taylor Ham. Apparently it’s a thing in New Jersey.”
“Draggy, it’s after 11. We’re not going to be able to find much serving breakfast this late. Let’s just find an IHOP or something.”
“Oh! Here’s a Denny’s in Staten Island that’s not far. Let’s take the Ferry in. Looks like rain anyway.”
After breakfast they boarded the Staten Island ferry. Of course Riona took about 100 pictures of the Statue of Liberty, but the day was gloomy and raining. Upon arriving they went straight to the subway and bought two unlimited 7-day passes and proceeded to Times Square, trying to look as much like natives as they could.
(Note from the author: This is a work of fiction. The Holiday Inn Carteret does not, in fact, have Magic Fingers vibrating beds. However they DO have extension telephones installed in their bathrooms! For when you JUST CAN’T miss that important call.)
Draggy awoke in a strange room before he remembered where he was. “Hey Riona!” he nudged the furry heap next to him. “Good morning! Guess where we are!”
Riona buried her head under a pillow. “Washington?”
“No! Even better! We’re in Bethesda!”
“Isn’t that the name of that company that makes that game you’re always playing?”
Draggy started jumping up and down on the bed. “Yup! Come on! Lets get ready! Got a lot to do today.”
Riona sat up. “Okay, okay! I’m up.“
"Great! Let’s take a shower!”
“Draggy, hotel showers are notoriously small,” Riona pointed out as Draggy followed her to the bathroom eagerly. “That is not happening,” she said while closing the door on his tragically dejected face.
The door reopened about an hour later and the figure that stepped out had been transformed. “Okay, now I’m ready,” she said. “What do you think?”
Draggy nodded approvingly. “You look like… a tourist. But a very nice looking tourist!”
Riona appraised the dragon. “What about you?”
“I don’t like to attract attention to myself. I’ll just go like this.”
The hotel they were staying in just happened to sit directly atop the Washington Metro so they took that into DC, first stopping at the Basilica of the Shrine of the Immaculate Conception.
“It says here,” Draggy was explaining as he read from his phone, “it’s the largest Roman Catholic church in North America.”
Riona nudged him from his phone to look up. He did so. And up. And up. And up.
“Wow.” he said.
Two hours later they found themselves underneath the Basilica, eating in a cafeteria.
“Impressive!” Riona said, happily scarfing down her chicken soup while Draggy was picking away at his stuffed pepper.
“I’ll say! And that pipe organ was awesome. Just think how that would sound playing In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida!”
“I somehow doubt that’s on their repertoire.”
“Foreplay from Boston maybe?”
“Is that ALL you think about?” Riona scowled.
Draggy stared at her innocently. “Wha?”
“Come on Draggy. Let’s go see the National Mall.”
They emerged from the Metro station into George Washington University and headed south to the Lincoln Memorial where many pictures were taken.
“The founding fathers sure were BIG weren’t they!” Draggy joked.
“Don’t be silly. Now let’s go see the Washington Monument…” Riona said and Draggy followed along dutifully.
Both were staring up at the towering monument. “Do you think the rest of him is buried underneath us?” Draggy commented.
“What?” Riona asked, not looking away until it dawned on her what he meant.
He was still rubbing his cheek when they came up to the fence in front of the White House.
“You have to admit it’s all rather phallic.”
“Would you just shut up about that? Now take a picture of me and we’ll head back to the hotel before it gets too dark.”
On the train ride back, Draggy brought up the subject of Kazerad.
“…so I thought maybe we might go see him tonight. He’s just a half-hour from the hotel.”
“Is this that webcomic guy you buy drawings from?”
“Yeah, that’s him!”
“It’s kinda weird isn’t it? Meeting some guy from the Internet you know nothing about?”
Draggy was about to reassure her that Kaz was pretty normal, then he remembered the Burrito Incident. No, better not go down that road…
“Well, it would be at a mall place. Buffalo Wild Wings. And we don’t have any other plans for tonight. And it IS my birthday next week.”
“Oh, alright. But it’s gonna be awkward as hell.”
“I know. And it is. But if I didn’t take this chance to meet him I’d regret it forever.”
“Okay, okay. We’ll go. Will there be anyone else there?”
“Well, no… not exactly. Though he’ll probably be streaming it on the internet.”
A Fictionalized Account of the adventures of Draggy and Riona in the North East. It’s only related to Prequel in that we stopped in to see Kaz on the way and some of the images I commissioned from Kaz to illustrate this are used – but I will use every source I feel like for them! I think it will be a 5-parter.
Part 1 – Departure
Draggy managed to pry open one eye just enough to see that it was morning before slamming it back shut again. But something in the back of his head was nagging him and he couldn’t go back to sleep. What was it? There was something…
“OH! I’m on VACATION!” he remembered aloud as he sat up suddenly, rolling Riona off the bed. He sheepishly looked over the edge to see what damage he had caused this time.
The cat was looking none too pleased as she glared at him, her whiskers twitching and rubbing her butt.
“Good morning…?” he said, smiling as inoffensively as he could.
She took his head in both her hands and pulled herself to her feet. “Draggy, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll go down and get me some coffee. Right Now.”
Instead he gave her two kisses on his favorite parts and was gone before she could swat him away.
“Decaf!” she called, “I’m going back to sleep as soon as we’re on our way!”
An hour and a half later she made good on her prediction and he felt her snoozing on his back as he began the long twelve-hour flight northwards to the Capitol. Long and boring. But he didn’t mind. He was FREE! No work for the next week. They’d been planning this trip for months in fact, and now at last they were off to see DC and New York City. Not that either hadn’t made this trip before, but there was so much to both cities that he’d had no problem making a rough itinerary of new places to go.
One plan though that Riona had insisted upon was that they not be TOO structured so they could stop along the way and do whatever came up. A couple of hours into the trip Draggy spied a likely distraction he thought she’d like. A cheese farm in Philadelphia, Tennessee.
Riona awoke, of course, feeling him descend and slow. “Bathroom break?” she asked.
“That and a cheese farm. Looks interesting.”
“Mmm! Good choice,” she said, appraising the sign below. "Stop in front – I want to get a selfie!“
An hour later they were back underway with a pound of cheese added to their baggage.
The weather had been fine for the first few hours, but as they continued northeast along the Shenandoah valley the clouds thickened and a light shower began. Riona did manage to get some excellent pictures of a rainbow before darkness fell and the rain began in earnest as they turned eastward towards DC. Draggy had a vague plan that when they got to their hotel in Bethesda, he might get away to go see Kaz for a couple hours, but the rain was delaying their speed and it became clear that wasn’t going to happen. When finally they found their hotel, checked in and got into their room, his eyes were spinning after hours of trying to see through the gloom and rain.
"You doing okay?” Riona asked.
“Yeah, just tired. And hungry. The lady at the front desk said there’s a little store just down the street. Maybe some crackers to go with the cheese?”
Riona perked up at that. “And sardines! I’ve been craving sardines!”
“You got it! Mustard or Tomato sauce?”
“Surprise me!”
When he got back, they feasted on Sardines in Louisiana Hot Sauce, crackers, and Garden Cheese. Maybe not a Michelin 3-star meal, but pretty good fare for a late night in-room snack. Draggy was smart enough to rinse off the cans and flush the remainder down the toilet before going to sleep though. Sardines might smell delicious right after opening the tin, but in the morning the aroma wouldn’t be so appealing.
Finally he wriggled in beside Riona who was busily tapping away at her laptop.
“Facebooking?” he asked, glancing over her shoulder.
“Mmm hmm,” she answered, tickling his nose with her ears.
He shoved his head under her arms, between her and her laptop.
“I can’t see when you do that, you know,” she said, mildly annoyed but stroking his head-fins.
In answer, Draggy nuzzled his head down between her breasts with a big grin and closed his eyes happily snug between her pillows. He listened to a deep intake of breath as she sighed and felt the laptop move, to be replaced on top of his head. He fell to sleep with the warm air from the laptop on top and the softer warmth of his wife underneath with the familiar clack-clack of the keyboard as his lullaby.
I’m on realbboy’s discord that’s prequel-focused and I’d talked realbboy into creating a separate fanfic channel. It’s been too quiet so I promised to write one. I took inspiration from this – a commission from Enheldor by Kazerad:
And this time, Kaz can read it if he wants. He has my permission. I had to do some archive-searching to figure out exactly when this might have happened and pegged the time as just after Katia took a bath but before she left in the next panel. And of course all mention of it has been expunged from the record.
Without further ado – A Fine Apple.
“Well, that was… weird,” Quill thought as she closed the door behind her. She stood outside the door for a minute, listening to see if the crazy Khajiit inside her house would get up to anything stupid. She heard nothing until suddenly she heard the distinct sound of pawpads running towards the door from the inside.
“Holy shit! She’s coming! I can’t let her catch me spying on her!” Quill Weave thought quickly and leaped atop the nearest hiding place she could find, which turned out to be the neighbor’s patio roof. To call it a roof was, perhaps, a little generous. It might keep rainwater from falling to the floor underneath well enough, but her first touch proved it would not hold a fully grown Argonian from doing the same. In a panic, she leaped from one support beam to the next, barely avoiding collapsing the whole structure before she managed to jump onto a branch and swing back to the ground.
She glanced back and saw the cat standing in her doorway, looking straight at her. She bounded away over a fence and out of sight before stopping to catch her breath.
“Damn it! Pull yourself together girl! She’s just a cat and a scraggly one at that. You don’t even like Khajiits. Do you?” the Argonian asked herself.
Still, she did use her Gaydar at the bar the other day, she realized. Was she disappointed with the result? If not, why do it in the first place? Of course, it’s not every day you see a naked Khajiit hanging from the roof at the bar. There’s some real talent there…
“I’m gonna need a drink,” she decided. “Just as soon as I get done at the castle!”
**************
It took no time to drop in and ask about bringing her ‘friend’ to dinner of course, so rather than head back to encounter that cat again, she opened the door to her second home. Fortunately the bartender was being friendly today and didn’t give her a hard time.
“That was quite a night last night, eh Quill?” he asked as he handed her the third bottle.
Quill spent a millisecond considering if she should tell him about her discovery that the cat had trashed her house and was still there. Some things just needn’t be public knowledge. Instead she downed half the bottle before replying, “Yeah, quite a performance.”
“You going to pay me back for that pineapple? Those things aren’t easy to get around here you know.”
Quill sighed. “Oh, I guess. Here. Will that cover it?”
The bartender appraised the coins she’d plunked down. “Quill, that will buy the pineapple AND another case!”
“Well then bring it man!”
An hour later, the room was swimming. But that was alright, Quill Weave liked swimming. Sitting on a bar stool without falling off, however, was getting more challenging.
“Look MISHTER,” she was saying to where the bartender had been a moment ago, “Jush because I looked at her doesn’t mean I was interesting in her or anyth.”
“Oh, are you still talking about that Khajiit?” said his voice from behind her as he was mopping up some liquor that had missed her mouth somehow.
“STHAY IN ONE PLACE DAMMIT! Sop sneaking around behind me. What kinda barthender are you anyway?”
“Well I was just saying, you don’t use that on everybody. You’ve never used it on me!”
“Yer not my thype, baldy.”
“So, she is your type then?”
“She’s a slutcat. Parading around nekked like that. If I wanned to be a slut, I’d be the best slut this town has ever seen. I’d hang upthide down bettern she ever did.”
“I’m sure you would… say, don’t you think you’ve had enough? It’s still afternoon and you’re sloshed, Quill.”
“I’m juss saying. You like me donchoo? You doen wanna see me nekked on the ceiling do you?”
“No Quill. I don’t want to see you naked.”
“I bet I cood do that thing with the pineapple too. Probably better’n her. Wimpy little cat. And I could do it without splatting the whole thing all over too! Hey! I see another pineabble back there! Gimme that.”
“Quill, you don’t need that pineapple.”
Quill pondered that for a minute. “Do I need a pineabble?”
“No, you don’t. You need to go home. You can go take a nap and sleep this off. You were saying you have a dinner to go to at the castle tonight Quill. You need to go home.”
“I do, don’t I? Do you know where my house is?”
******************
As she staggered home, somewhere in the back of her addled brain she realized it was best she take the back way home. She paused to relieve herself of some excess drink and looked curiously at the clear liquid she’d brought back up for a while, not quite understanding what it was she was looking at. Then she looked at the little ball with a string tied to it and the orange that the bartender had given her. He was right, she decided. She’d have to work up to the pineapple. She took off her clothes and started to practice.
When finally she floated to the door in front of her house, she stared at it for a little while. “Why are you on the wrong side?” she asked the door. “You should be the other way around.” She knocked at her own door. “Hello? Who’s there?” she answered herself. Nobody answered, so she opened the door.
The cat was standing there with a beard of suds, looking at her dumbfounded. “Quill Weave?”
“Oh! I’m thorry. I thought thith was my houth. Thorry misther.”
“Quill, are you drunk?” the Khajiit asked, wiping the suds-beard off her chin.
“Oh! Hi Katia. Did you see that old man? You’re looking fine. Did you take a bath? Mmm. You smell clean,” Quill drawled, staggering into the Khajiit.
“QUILL! Stop that!”
“You’re one fine-looking cat you know. Hey! Wanna see me do a trick? I’ve been practith. Praktish.. Dammit, I’ve been P R A C T I C I N G! Now where is that ball and orange? Katia, do you see a ball or an orange on me anywhere?”
“I see a lot of you Quill, but sorry, no ball or orange.”
“Oh! Here’s that ball!” Quill said, finding the toy where Katia hadn’t looked.
“OH MY GOD! QUILL!”
“You know, if you were a toy, you’d be whoa-yo!”
“Quill! Be careful, the bath-tub is right there.”
“…and if you were a fruit, you’d be a FINE-apple!”
And with that, she fell butt-first into the tub.
********************
Katia was smiling, but made the oath anyway. “Never. I promise.”
“I mean it. Just forget that ever happened,” Quill said. “Thanks for getting me sober again, but really REALLY forget it. It didn’t happen.”
“Of course not. Don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
Quill looked at the cat. That was a shit-eating grin if ever she’d seen one.
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