A Real Draggy Blog Post

An actual blog post! And a pretty long one at that.

Computer problems, Prequel fanfiction, More Prequel coloring jobs and NSFW works coming. (Sorry about that last bit! Well… not really.)

A bit of history first… Last weekend I got tired of my old Windows 8.0 on my HP laptop, so I bit the bullet, backed up everything and upgraded to Windows 10. The laptop came with Windows 8.0, and as any sane person these days would do, I installed an SSD. Space is smaller but I don’t really need that much space. How anyone can run a PC without an SSD these days, I can’t fathom. But I think I did something wrong because, though it ran just fine, I couldn’t upgrade to 8.1. I kept getting the same upgrade error. I’m really not a neophyte when it comes to PC tech, but all my searching couldn’t come up with a solution to it. So I sat on 8.0 forever, the OS constantly reminding me “Hey! Update to 8.1!” Then Windows 10 came out and guess what, it’s FREE to anyone WITH 8.1! It will NOT install on 8.0. So I was stuck even longer.

So how to get out of the dilemma? Why, don ye olde pirate patch and sail the wide accountant sea! So, though I’m totally entitled to a legit Windows 10, I had to venture into dark waters to make it happen. But happen it did and by Sunday night I was running Win10. And then the installing REALLY began. Skyrim Special Edition (which I’d never ran before) was tops on that list so I got that in place along with Photoshop. Still got a lot of smaller things I need to install but I feel like I’m back on my feet again anyway.

Now… switch gears with me for a minute… Last Friday Kazerad did a stream where he was reading Prequel fanfiction. I don’t think it’s too much to say I probably have written as much Prequel fanfiction as any. And yes, of COURSE I think some of it’s pretty good. But the mother of the ugly kid thinks he’s the most beautiful thing ever, so I recognize that I’m more than a little biased in that regard. Also, having someone read your stuff makes you realize how PAINFUL typos and grammar mistakes can be for the reader. So I’m going to try and improve those too.

But Monday came along and I REALLY wanted to write something. So I put up that survey to see what people wanted me to write about. There’s a lot of good starting points. Evil Quill Weave for one can definitely be expanded. I like the Dodger fanfiction an awful lot and would love to revisit Dodger, Kitty an Donny again. I probably will eventually regardless. But I needed other choices, so I started looking for inspiration for new stuff. I came across FurNut’s “The Adventures of Slutcat and Sworddog”.

Damn that was screaming for some lovin’. And I’m an impatient draggy. So I jumped the gun and ignored the survey. (sorry, though I will check it out again when next the writerly bug hits!) I started writing. An I chose the introduction of Skyrim as a framework. I think somewhere in the back of my mind I already knew where it was going. But… it will be DEFINITELY NSFW. Slutcat has to earn that moniker. And Sworddog will be her partner. But these are completely NOT Katia and the Sworddog from the comic.

Slutcat will remain basically naked most all the time and Sworddog not only can talk, but does. A lot. I have in mind Mr. Peabody from The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends and his “Peabody’s Improbable History” shorts. In fact, I’ll probably insinuate that both Slutcat and Sworddog actually came to Skyrim using a WABAC machine.

But it actually takes a lot more research than you might think to write fanfiction. Like, for some reason I thought Sworddog was male. In fact, in an as-yet-unpublished part 2 I had him licking his balls. Well hell, turns out he’s a she! Of course I could be flexible with that – esp. since there’s almost no connection between my Sworddog and Prequel’s Sworddog. But no, he’s a she. So she’s Ms. Peabody. In fact, though I probably won’t name her other than Sworddog, her real name is Ms. Heckie Peabody. As for Slutcat, I’ve got free range on real names there, but again I don’t plan to worry about it. She’s Slutcat. “The name’s Cat. Slut Cat.” And she has no problem with it.

Which leads to the next problem. She’s a slut. She’s not a prostitute, mind you – she’s really just overly promiscuous. However, at this point I don’t plan for her to ever actually DO anything. She’ll be too busy doing Skyrim quests. But it would be a heinous crime, given the inspiration of FurNut’s drawing not to keep her nekked! So it will definitely be an ADULT fanfiction. I do love images in my fanfictions too. So maybe you see where this is going by now? I’ve got a start of a new fanfiction, I’ve got Skyrim Special Edition installed. I need images for my fanfiction. I can’t afford to pay FurNut for more commissions. 🙂

So last night I started installing mods. CBBE seemed the natural choice right off as it’s customizable. I added a saturation mod as default in-game Skyrim is too bleak and colorless. Of course I had to add the big Khajiit eye mod. My own custom texture for Slutcat of course. I debated removing the nips and puddy from the texture but the result was just kinda odd, so I’ll leave em. It’s going to be NSFW anyway so WTH.

And then I have more Sashimi coloring jobs coming. And I told Madmanransom I would color a pic for him but I’ve not even started on that. I’m kinda busy.

But what about Sworddog? How the hell am I going to put swords on a dog?!?

Oh! Nevermind. It’s already been done.

I might mod that one a bit more – at least to remove the doggy helmet. It would be great to add a 2nd sword to it too, but that’s likely beyond my ability. Still, that’s a sworddog! Also a color change to the dog texture to make him less Husky and more Golden Retriever. But I can do that.

Finally, I put the first “chapter” of Slutcat and Sworddog in Skyrim in my bdnsfw.tumblr.com blog. Naa. It needs it’s own separate place. So I’ll be creating yet ANOTHER tumblr blog for Slutcat and I’ll move that first chapter over there.

(Don’t worry, Slutcat won’t look like THAT! But it’s amazing what you find looking for images on Google!)

As for the story? Well hell, why don’t I just continue a (VERY VERY SLOW!) playthrough of Skyrim with her? Doing so will let me do what Kazerad pointed out long ago – don’t try to write a ‘fanfic’ of what you love… write a PARODY of it. So that’s what this will be. Totally tongue-in-cheek, break the 4th wall with abandon, but with an admittedly much more NSFW perspective. It could literally go on for YEARS. All because of a FurNut.

But I’ve got work to do still! I’ve not even installed a poser mod yet. And the MFG commands don’t work. Yikes! So… it’s coming, but I don’t even want to post Part 2 till I can get my Skyrim setup for doing proper screenshots.

99 followers! Woohoo!

Close a-freacking-nuff.

After the fanfic readings Friday night from Kaz, I’m dying to write more. Maybe I’ll even improve my grammar and spelling. But what to write, what to write? Well, I’ve got an idea for that. Since I have SO many followers (50% of which are actually likely not porn-bots), ask the readers! So, have a survey!

If I set it up right, it should be completely anonymous. Using Google Forms because those other ones kinda suck visually and I always like putting images in things.

So… what do you want to see more of on the fanfic side? Don’t worry, there’s ideas for totally new stuff there too as well as a write-in area.

https://goo.gl/forms/FN6V9ZHLUv5NlRRQ2

Do it for Quill-Weave. Look how sad she is. You’re making Quill-Weave cry.

Rajirra and Sashimi’s Fanfiction

If you think you’ve seen this before, you have. I made a stupid and awful mistake on my last posting and deleted it to remove all evidence. (I’d painted over DrawPanther’s signature inadvertently.) He’s been the nicest guy about it which made me even more ashamed to have done that. But now it’s fixed so I’m posting it again.

So Sashimi is working on a fanfiction – a backstory for Rajirra I believe. I also understand it will go NSFW places. But he wants to get some illustrations for it (which I highly agree with! Stories with illustrations are so much easier to read IMHO.) So he was going to get some commissions. I suggested I could color the for free and save him some $ so he can get more too.

The first one came in, drawn by DrawPanther:

http://www.furaffinity.net/user/drawpanther/

And this is it:

Little did I know he was going to commission such GOOD stuff! I didn’t know DrawPanther, but after I saw this I immediately looked at his gallery. He’s so much better at coloring than I am that I was awfully intimidated, but still I was going to give it my best shot. And the first thing to do is always start on flat colors. So here’s that…

I knew the colors for Rajirra from Prequel of course. The other guy (don’t even have his name yet) I didn’t though so I picked some nice relatively neutral colors for him. Next I did the flat colors of everything else of course. I made a mistake here though, I shaded the ground on the same layer. I later regretted that but I made it work anyway. Also I tried a sky and river, but I didn’t like em.

Now the fun stuff starts. Shading. I took a cue from a suggestion at the Prequel fanart booru and added a fullly shaded layer and then REMOVED the shading to add the brighter side to the right. Also from reading some tutorials they suggested a more purplish shade layer than just straight grey: Revised the river again, though it’s still not good. And colored the rocks.

Really that’s more like a highlighting layer. THIS is a shade layer, where not only did I add the darker areas to the left, but also some particularly dark layers where little light would shine:

Next was my very favorite parts. Eyes. I love doing eyes. They’re so friggin EASY but they make the whole picture suddenly pop. Also I added sun-dappling to mimic light through the leaves above. This is really where I regretted having the ground shade in a single layer as I had to paint the dapples differently on the ground than on the characters. It worked but not quite the same.

I thought I was done and this is about where I left it. Then someone suggested I should just remove the lines on the sky and do it without them. Plus I realized that the river NEEDS reflections, and they’re so easy to do! So I got what I thought (wrongly) would be my FINAL final version:

Now the river looks like a river (though probably a bit TOO placid). The leaves help a lot – don;’t know why I hadn’t colored them before. And the sky is MUCH better. (it should be – it’s actually a PICTURE of a sky with just a bit of smudging). Is that cheating? I don’t really care! So that was my FINAL FINAL version, right? WRONG… DrawPanther saw it, complemented me, but pointed out that I effectively erased his signature. AAAAAAA!

So THATS my real final final final version, WITH DrawPanther’s sig. (I inverted it to white – worked better over the river that way.) And that’s it. It was funny, DrawPanther was like SHOCKED that I don’t use a tablet. (Mouse only). It’s really not such a big deal when coloring as it is in drawing.

So that’s it. The first of a few for Sashimi. Some will be NSFW so those I’ll have to put on my NSFW blog. (never done those before! Should be… interesting. I’ll have to look up tutorials on how to color body parts I’ve not done before!)

Dodger: Continuation… continues!

It’s my current obsession now. I’ve got the whole story pretty well worked out now. Up to ‘chapter 7′ up now at http://bdfanfic.tumblr.com and I’ve also got a new artist doing my images. Anscer. I posted some of her work to the Prequel fanart booru, but I might as well post them here too. First, this is her first drawings of Porcupine-Dodger she drew as a practice to see if she could do it. She’s more an anime artist than furry/prequel.

And then this is the one she did for Dodger: Continuation (5). She’s going to do one for Continuation (7) as well, but it will have to be added later. (I’ve already written (8)!

I’m working on coloring it too, but I put it up in the story as-is till I get the coloring done. She’s got her own style, but I’d say it works pretty well!

Oh… did I mention Anscer’s my daughter? Don’t worry, she’s an adult. (No, don’t ask me how old I am. Old enough I should know better probably.)

Dodger: Continuation (5) posted

Rather than clog up your feed with yet another of my ever-expanding Dodger fanfic posts, I’ll just make this a notice that it’s up. New character – the gal on the right here.

I’m probably going to add another image to the post tonight as I have a new artist who’s going to be helping me out occasionally. It’ll be interesting to see what her rendition of ‘anonymous fantasy dodger criminal’ looks like.
I think she’s just going to send me line art so I’ll probably color it
too. She’s been working on doing Dodger too. Her comment, “Dodger’s
really a chrome dome, isn’t she!”

(And yes, I know that was just Dodger’s imaginary representation of the criminal class. She’s just had one actually appear.)

http://bdfanfic.tumblr.com is where I’m posting them now. Probably best to go to the archive if you’re not up to date though.

Dodger and other characters are Kazerad’s from http://prequeladventure.com (as if you didn’t already know.)

Dodger: Continuation (4)

bdfanfic:

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK KNOCK

She waited a moment, then put the key in the lock and opened the door. Yellow-Eyes was still on the bed but awake as she set the plates down and locked the door behind her.

“Everything okay?” he asked taking a plate.

“Yeah. A couple of guys tried to pick my pocket, but no problem. I didn’t have any money there anyway, thanks to you. Apparently there’s a Thieves Guild in this town!”

“Of course. Not uncommon in a city of this size.”

“They called you ‘Kem’.”

Yellow-Eyes didn’t even pause. Between mouthfuls, he grunted, “Yeah. They call me that here.”

“Which is your real name then?”

“Neither. Can you get me some water from the table?”

Dodger crossed to the table, filled a mug from a pitcher there, and brought it back.

“Well, what’s the plan? Are we going to see your friend?”

“No. She’ll come here.”

“She?”

Yellow-Eyes looked up. “Yes. She.”

“When?”

He resumed eating. “Don’t know. Maybe tonight. Maybe tomorrow.”

“So, we’re just going to stay here?”

“I am. You do whatever you want. Go see the city. Just watch yourself.”

Dodger sat on the floor cross-legged and dug into her dinner in earnest. Once she started eating, it was all she could do to keep from wolfing it all down at once. It was as if her body was reminded how long it had been since she’d last eaten – and how little it had been even then. It wasn’t till her plate had been picked clean that she looked up. Yellow-Eyes was watching her.

“You okay?” he asked.

Dodger wiped her mouth with her sleeve. “Fine. Sorry. I was pretty hungry I guess.”

“I guess!”

“Well, I think I’ll take a look around anyway. You’re really just going to stay here?”

Yellow-Eyes nodded.

“Okay. I guess I’ll see you later.”

“Two knocks, then two,” he said as she was walking out, though this time she looked both ways down the hallway before she turned back.

“Wait, we’re going to change the knocks every time? Why?”

“Someone might have heard you last time.”

“You’re paranoid. You know that, right?”

“Two knocks, then two more. I’ll keep the key and lock up behind you.” he said.

She tossed the key back to him, but he let it hit the floor without making any effort to catch it.

“Lazy too,” she said.

“Dodger. If you get in trouble, I won’t be looking for you. You need to know that. You’re on your own here. Be careful.”

“Alright DAD.”

“That’s the point. I’m not your dad. I’m an architect. I wish you well, Dodger, but I’m not even you’re guardian here. You don’t have a guardian.”

“Okay, okay. Got it. I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

The hallway was still clear when she closed the door and by the time she got to the stairs at the end of it, she heard the latch turn. She went back down the stairs. In the public room, the place was getting busier. She took the plates to the end of the bar. Mr. Broad was talking to someone at the other end of the bar, but he noticed her and nodded so she set the plates down and walked out.

The stars were just coming out as she stepped into the cooling air. The streets, though far from deserted, were certainly less bustling than they had been earlier. Yellow-Eyes, a.k.a. Kem, a.k.a. who knows what had given her a fair idea of the city layout with the tower in the center. It did make it easier to navigate though.

But mostly she just watched the people. Such a variety of people. And not just the variation in races she had read about, but the sizes, ages, clothing styles. It was like the vines back in the Marsh – no two were exactly the same.

“No wonder humans think we all look the same. In comparison with them, I guess we do!” she thought. “Not many kids though. I wonder if they keep them indoors?”

She found herself back in the area with the graves. When she came near the one Yellow-Eyes had placed a rock on, she noticed it was gone. At least, if it was the same headstone. They were all so similar she might be wrong, but she didn’t see any rocks on the other nearby headstones either and she was fairly sure she was at the right place.

“Must be some sort of signal,” she thought. “He puts a rock up there and his friend notices, and comes to that inn as a pre-arranged meeting place. Gotta write that down.”

She sat and scribbled some notes about the two men and what they’d told her of the Guild as well as what she’d learned from Yellow-Eyes. The locking of the door and the code knocking she could use too. Even the nasty restroom could be handy. This trip was turning out to be a bounty of ideas!

When she’d finished her notes, she just sat back and watched the people go by. There were certainly Argonians as well as Orsimer occasionally, but they were still a minority compared to the humans with their swirly ears and their patchy hair. She began to notice patterns though. While there were exceptions, the males tended to keep their hair cropped short, while the females’ hair was usually longer and more elaborately kept. Also, the older the males were, the less hair they tended to have if they weren’t completely hairless.

Yet facial hair ran the opposite way. In fact, she finally decided that the females didn’t have facial hair at all! She saw not a single case in which a female sported any below the nose or under the mouth. That must go beyond style and be an actual physical trait.

She also noticed that the females tended to dress to emphasize their breasts, while the males wore loose fitting trousers as a way of de-emphasizing their own sex. She thought back to Yellow-Eyes and his comment about only needing a jacket. She saw no Argonians here without a full outfit though – minus the footwear. Humans may just see a crocodile in a jacket, but he really should have a full set of clothes. She decided to see if she could find him some pants.

Of course, she actually did have some coin. But she certainly didn’t keep it in her pockets like those cutpurse’s seemed to expect. Yellow-Eyes had seen to that long before they got to the city. The problem was going to be to find a clothing store with clothing for Argonians that would fit Yellow-Eyes. She stood up and began to wander around, now with an eye to finding such a store.

However, she began to realize that the storefronts were all closing down for the night. Only the taverns and brothels seemed to stay open much after dark here, so she gave up on that idea and came at last full-circle back to Luther’s. She climbed the stairs, having only elicited a couple of glances by the patrons and knocked the pattern. Within she heard the lock turn and the door opened. Yellow-Eyes was still alone.

“No friend?”

“Not yet.”

Dodger noticed the room had been rearranged somewhat in her absence. A new set of bedclothes had been arranged on the floor among other things. Yellow-Eyes sat atop those, leaving the bed empty for her. She sat down on it.

“You need clothes, Yellow-Eyes. No one walks around without pants here.”

“I’ll get some as soon as I can.”

“I was going to buy you some, but all the shops are closed after dark.”

Yellow-Eyes turned to look at her. “You don’t have to do that. I’ll make my own way.”

“I know. I wanted to,” Dodger said, laying down and turning to the wall.

“Well… thank’s Dodger,” she heard as she closed her eyes.

“No problem.”

She drifted off to sleep then, probably as happy as she could ever remember being. She was on an adventure for the first time in her life, and the next day would bring more adventures without a doubt.

Suddenly she was awoken by knocking. Three knocks, then one. She looked over at Yellow-Eyes, but he was already up, sword in hand and standing at the door. He signaled for her to be quiet, and she backed up away from the door with her feet pulled up.

Dodger: Continuation (3)

bdfanfic:

Author’s note: I’ve decided to continue my fanfiction on a different blog. bdfanfic.tumblr.com. I’ll reblog to here from there for a while, but eventually I’ll stop putting fanfictions there at all and reserve it for other oddities. So, if you want to follow my fanfic stuff, be sure to add bdfanfic.tumblr.com blog to your… whatever it is. Here’s part 3 of Dodger: Continuation.

They resumed their journey in the bustling street. Eventually they came to a district full of what appeared to be graves. Yellow-Eyes stepped off the path and grabbed a small stone, setting it gingerly onto an otherwise unremarkable headstone.

“What’s that for?” Dodger asked, not able to resist the question.

“Never you mind. Let’s go.”

They returned the way they’d come and passed through to an area where she read “Elven Garden” above the gateway. Dodger was nearly ready to ask Yellow-Eyes where she might stop to use a bathroom when instead he stepped up to a building with a sign overhead that read “Luther Broad’s Boarding House”. Within, it took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the light. Yellow-eyes was already speaking with a man she could only assume was Luther Broad in quiet tones. The man nodded and handed him a key.

“Come Dodger. We have a place to stay for the night.”

“Where’s the restroom?” she asked, and Yellow-Eyes gestured to a door to their right.

Once inside, she wished she had done her business outdoors. The stench was powerful, and there were two men there pissing into the same hole while another was just finishing up. As disgusting as the place was, she had to admit that she’d discovered a new fact about human anatomy she’d not known before. Her books had been quite unclear as to certain details. Looking at the stinking hole, she was at least gratified to see the other two were finishing up, and they left her in peace while she did her best to complete the task as sanitarily as she could manage while not gagging.

She saw Yellow-Eyes waiting for her by the stairs as she tried to adopt a non-nonchalant attitude.

“Sure, I piss in stinking shitholes all the time with other humans around,” she thought to herself. “No big deal, right?”

But as they entered their room, she let loose.

“Oh my god! Yellow-Eyes, that place was awful! How do you stand it? I’m going outside next time!”

“You’ll get used to it,” he said, laying down on the bed.

Dodger crossed to the meager window and tried to look out. “I doubt that very much.”

“Dodger, don’t piss outside unless you go all the way out of the city. It’s a crime and you could get put in jail. This place is full of laws you mustn’t cross.”

Dodger scratched at the window, hoping to clean through the dirt. She finally managed to get a bit of a view, but her window just looked out onto the next building so she turned back to Yellow-Eyes.

“Only one bed?”

“Dodger, I’m penniless. My friend will help us out, but I don’t want to push it. You can have the bed, just let me take a quick nap. I know the owner though, and he knows I’m good for the rent. And he knows you’re with me. Why don’t you go down and get us some food?”

“Good idea!” she nodded, suddenly feeling the emptiness of her belly.

As she stepped to the door, Yellow-Eyes caught her attention and tossed her the key.

“Lock it.”

“Nice place you’ve brought me to,” she said, catching the key.

“I brought you nowhere, young one. You came here of your own free will.”

“Good point. Okay, I’ll be back shortly.”

“When you come back, knock three times, then once before you open the door,” the Argonian said, closing his eyes.

“Jeeze,” she thought as she stepped out into the hall. “Is he paranoid or what?”

Suddenly she had a thought and looked around the hall. No one there, but she should start checking. Maybe he wasn’t paranoid.

“So, you’re with Kem?” the man she figured was Luther asked as she sat at the bar. It was still afternoon and there weren’t many patrons around.

“Kem?”

“Well, that’s what he calls himself here anyway. Why, what do you call him?”

“Mostly Sir.”

“A good girl, you. Sure, I’ll get you some food. Want anything while you wait?”

“A drink would be nice. Maybe some ale?”

“Ale huh? How old are you kid?”

“Seventeen,” she admitted.

“Yeah. About what I figured. Have some Root Beer.”

Dodger took a sip as Luther walked into a back room. “Not bad, really,” she thought. Somehow she had figured it would taste like the bathroom smelled. But mostly the public room smelled of humans, smoke and stale beer. She saw a couple of men looking at her, but decided it would be best to ignore them as much as she could. That worked for a minute, but then she saw them approaching from the corner of her eye.

“What’s a scaly girl like you doing in a place like this?” one of them asked. She was actually please to notice he didn’t slur his words.

“I’m traveling with a friend. Name’s Dodger. What’s your name?” she asked, standing up from the stool and holding out her hand in greeting.

“Oh! You speak the language well. Glad to meet you Dodger. I’m Falric and this is my brother Elric.”

Dodger was pleased to see her insight was right. Give a stranger your name and they’re not a stranger anymore. And hopefully they’ll be kind. She shook Elric’s hand.

“Are you travelers too?”

“Traveler? Oh no. We live here in the city,” Falric replied, resting his hand on her shoulder.

Suddenly she felt uncomfortable. Customs vary widely, but what she had learned of human custom indicated that physical touch is not normal among strangers. This man was getting a little too personal. She decided the direct approach might be best. She took his hand and pulled it away from her shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Falric. I’m still not familiar with human customs well, but where I’m from we don’t touch like that. Really, I apologize. It’s just not comfortable for me.”

The man’s reaction was a relief.

“Oh. I see. Well I meant no offense. So where are you headed?” he continued.

She felt a rustle behind her and spun around to face Elric, catching his hand deftly.

“I don’t have any money. Sorry Elric,” she said, baring her teeth in what could have been a sweet smile, or could have been something more.

“Oh. Um… sorry Dodger. My brother… sticky fingers you know.” Falric said.

Dodger released the Elric’s hand, making sure he scraped his wrist on her talons first.

“Oh, I know all right.”

“Listen, Dodger. You seem like a girl with her head on straight. If you ever need a job…”

“If I need a job pick-pocketing travelers, I’ll look out for you two. Or I’ll just freelance.”

“Oh, you don’t want to do that, Missy,” Elric said, rubbing his wrist. “There’s a Guild you know. You’ll lose your hand or worse if you don’t join the Guild.”

“A Guild huh? Tell me about it Elric,” she said, putting her arm around his back and lead the two brothers back to a table nearby. “I’m very interested…”

A few minutes later the bartender returned with two covered plates. He stepped up to the table where the three were talking.

“Hey, what’s this? Dodger, you don’t want to hang around with these two!”

“Oh, it’s fine Mr. Broad. My friends here were just telling me all about a Guild I might be interested in joining.”

The owner’s eyes opened wide. “Oh? You?”

“You never know.”

“Best ask your friend Kem about that,” Mr. Broad warned, setting the plates down.

At that, the other two men’s eyes followed the same path. “Kem? Is he here? You’re with Kem?” Falric said, suddenly pulling back away from her.

“I… suppose so. Yeah. I’m with Kem. Why?”

The two stood up with alarm. “Listen, tell Kem we didn’t many anything by it. We were just… well, you know. Business!”

“Yeah, business!” said Elric as they walked as quickly as reasonably possible to the door. "Gotta go now. Nice to meet you Dodger!“

“Nice to meet…” Dodger was saying as the door closed behind them. “…you too.”

Dodger: Continuation (2)

“One question,” Dodger said after they’d risen in the morning and resumed their trek to the Imperial City. “Why did you need my knife when you had that sword last night anyway?”

“Can’t throw a sword,” came the terse reply.

Dodger nodded to herself and they walked on in silence.

As they got nearer the city, the road became wider and Dodger began to see other people on the road. First came a farmer, driving a wagon loaded with just what she expected – corn and lots of it. She waved and called a greeting to the old man as he rumbled past, but he didn’t even slow down and Yellow-Eyes took her hand and led her off the road before he got too close.

“Are they all so friendly in the city?” she asked sarcastically.

Yellow-Eyes looked at her before replying, “Be grateful he didn’t run off the road to hit you. They don’t intend any disrespect, Dodger. Most of them don’t even see us as people. We might as well be the grass or the trees. You wouldn’t expect him to talk to a passing tree.”

“But, they’re not all like that. Right?”

“No. There are exceptions. It’s like those slavers yesterday. I think they really believe the bullshit they spouted. They had to muzzle me so they could imagine I couldn’t talk. Otherwise I’d shake their world view and they might even feel guilty about binding us all up as slaves.”

“But they had respect for that Briarbird guy.”

“They did indeed. On some level, I think humans see the elves as superior to themselves. High elves at least. It’s a sure bet the High Elves do.”

“He decimated them didn’t he?” Dodger laughed, kicking a rock down the road.

Yellow-Eyes didn’t respond.

“Well, technically he didn’t. Decimated would mean he killed a tenth of them. He killed ten-tenths of them. He deci-decimated them.”

Yellow-Eyes kept walking.

“You probably didn’t know that,” Dodger muttered.

Still nothing.

“It was supposed to be funny,” Dodger said to the ground as they topped a hill.

But when she looked up, she saw the city. “Oh… my… god!”

Yellow-Eyes took her hand to help keep her out of trouble as they approached the city, steering her this way and that to avoid the increasing traffic while her eyes were glued upward to the walls as much as the awesome spectacle of the White-Gold Tower that loomed larger than any tree she had ever seen, ever even imagined. In her experience, only mountains could rival it’s size. But this had been built by… someone anyway!

“Human’s can’t be all bad! Look at what they built!”

Yellow-Eyes didn’t even turn to look at her. “Bullshit. This was built by the Aldmer. Humans just took it over.”

“Oh. Well, anyway it’s so… BIG! Surely you must be impressed. Briarbird said you were an architect.”

They passed within the gates without incident.

Once inside, and away from the guards Dodger noticed, he said, “Not that kind of architect.”

Dodger pulled at his hand and he stepped aside out of the road.

“What do you mean, not that kind of architect? How many kinds are there?”

Yellow-Eyes looked around, then led them to a more secluded area, where he knelt before her.

“Dodger, I know you’re young…”

“Seventeen,” she reminded him.

“Seventeen. But do you really think the Imperials would send someone like Briarbird to find me if I was just a designer of buildings?”

“Well, I didn’t really think…”

“You need to start thinking, Dodger. This is no place for a dope who can’t put two-and-two together. Do you think my friend went through all that expense to find me just to have me draw up plans for some outhouse? An emergency office tower?”

Dodger began to pout. “You think I’m stupid.”

“No, Dodger. I don’t. I think you’re unusually smart in fact. But you need to use that brain. Especially here. I’m not kidding when I tell you ‘I’m not your nanny’. You’re going to have to take care of yourself, and that means keeping your eyes open and that brain of yours engaged. Now, you said you were a writer, so you know words. Let’s see if you can puzzle out just what kind of an architect I am.”

Dodger brightened when he said she was smart. So she thought about it.

“Well… no offense, but you look kinda rough. Those scars didn’t get there designing buildings I guess.”

“No, they didn’t.”

“And they said they found you with your tail caught in a printing press in a warehouse. That’s an odd situation for a building architect.”

“That was an odd situation for me. Maybe I’ll tell you about it sometime. But the word… architect. What does it imply, other than buildings. What does an architect do?”

“He… um,” Dodger thought furiously. Yellow-Eyes was being unusually talkative. He wanted something from her. She needed to work this out. “He… makes plans.”

“Good. Yes. I make plans. But not plans for buildings. What kind of plans would someone want that are valuable enough to send an Imperial agent out for? An obviously highly qualified Imperial agent at that.”

“Something big. But not big like a building. Someone… wants you to make plans… for something big…”

Suddenly Dodger’s eyes grew very wide and she looked at the Argonian with newfound respect and something like awe.

“Something CRIMINAL!”

Yellow-Eyes nodded, closing his eyes in a sign of satisfaction.

“You’re a… mastermind!”

“Well. Sort of. I plan things. I don’t do them, but I plan them. I have a reputation among certain people of being very successful at it too. My friend wants me to plan something. I don’t know what yet, but he went through a lot of expense to get me here. If you’re going to tag along, I figure you should know what you’re getting yourself involved in. This isn’t some petty drug thing. It’s not even smuggling or slave running. It’s big, and likely political. It usually is with… my friend.”

“Is it dangerous?” Dodger asked, eyes practically sparkling.

“For me and you, if all goes well, no. For the field operatives, sure. But I just make plans.”

“You’ve been a ‘field operative’ though, haven’t you.”

Yellow-Eyes looked at her with more seriousness than she’d seen in him before. Normally he either just ignored her, or looked down on her like a child. This time he looked at her like an equal.

“Yes, Dodger. I have been. I got out of that though. It’s a bloody business and not one I recommend. But I owe my friend my life, so I come when asked. You don’t. I’ve already told you that you should go home. But you’re right. I can’t stop you. I can advise you though. Seriously advise you. Go home. If you get involved in this any more than you are right now, I don’t want to be responsible for any consequences. You’re making a very grown-up choice right now. It’s up to you, but staying with me is not wise.”

Dodger looked at the Argonian she called Yellow-Eyes. She noticed the little wrinkles around his eyes for the first time. The scar on his head looked deeper than she’d noticed too. He was certainly no young buck. His eyes had seen a lot. This was as serious as he knew how to get. He was trying his best to warn her off, but he didn’t understand that his warning had the opposite effect.

Dodger smiled back, a smile that was more mature than her years. “Thank you Yellow-Eyes. I know you’re being serious. But I also know what I’m doing. There’s nothing waiting for me back home. I need to get away. I’ll stay with you, if you’ll have me. For a little while.”

Yellow-Eyes stood up and sighed like an old man. “Mistake. But it’s your mistake Dodger. Always remember, it was your mistake. Deal?”

Dodger held out her hand and grabbed his. It felt at once strong and old at the same time. She shook it once firmly. “Deal.”

Dodger: Continuation (1)

Dodger: Continuation (1)

Her first inclination was just to return home. She was well aware of how close she had escaped slavery. Or worse. But the warmth of the drink and the relief of having escaped, along with the Argonian stranger’s words caused her to rethink that decision. Her fascination with humans in general was too deep to let his cynical words stand. And besides, if she returned now she might as well admit defeat. As weird as this day had turned out, she also realized she had learned practically nothing that she could use in her book.

“WAIT UP!” she called to the stranger and raced to catch up.

He looked at her askance. “Now hold on young one. I am no babysitter, and you have no business coming with me. Go home to your clutch. The Imperial City is no place for a hatchling like you. I’d thought you would have learned your lesson back there.”

Dodger stood defiant. “You can’t stop me. I’m going to the Imperial City with you or without you. We might as well travel together. I’m seventeen, I’ll have you know. I’m not a hatchling.”

“Suit yourself,” he shrugged. “But don’t expect me to be your nanny. You’re on your own when we get there. And here, give that bottle back. I don’t need a drunk hatchling…”

“Seventeen!”, she insisted.

“…drunk teenager then. I don’t need some drunk teenager staggering around slowing me down. Keep up or don’t. But you don’t need that.”

“Yes sir, Mr… what did you say your name was?”

“I didn’t.”

“Well, what should I call you then?”

“You shouldn’t. But ‘Sir’ will do.”

Dodger groaned at that. This was going to be a long, boring walk.

“Well, I’m Kakar-Sutheeth,” she said, holding out her hand in the common human way of greeting. “And I’m glad to meet you.”

The stranger looked at her hand, a smile coming over his face.

“Shut up!” she said at his non-existent words. “Just call me Dodger.”

“Dodger it is then. A porcupine?”

“I said shut up about it,” she said, knowing a blush was stealing over her face against her will.

They did find a road before long, and the stranger seemed to know where he was and where he was going, so Dodger kept pace and tried not to ask too many questions until the sun began to set.

“Um… sir?”

“Yes Dodger?” he sighed as they climbed yet another hill.

“How far is it to the city? Will we get there tonight?”

“Not tonight, no. I’ll stop before nightfall. You can continue on if you like, but I’d advise against it. Unless a Legionnaire comes up behind us that wants to keep guard over you, it’s not safe at night.”

“Oh. Okay.”

They walked on for a while until he came to a stop as the sky began to darken. He pointed at last to an outcrop of rocks some way off the road. “There,” he stated.

Dodger followed dutifully, taking another drink from her water flask as she followed him.

“Do you have a knife?” he asked.

“Sure! Unlike you, I came prepared!” she said cheerfully as she dug around and produced the small blade.

“Hmph. Got any food in that pack of yours?”

“Well,” she stammered. “Not a lot. I’ve got some jerky left and a little green-leaf salad.”

“Prepared eh?” he said, looking at the knife in his hand. He looked at her again and the knife suddenly looked a lot bigger than she remembered.

“You can have it!” she said, proffering her pack whole.

“Oh relax hatchling. I’m not going to rob you. You stay here. I’ll be back in an hour or less.”

She watched his back fade into the darkness and settled in atop the rocks in a little cubby and picked at her salad. She decided that, as gruff as the stranger was, she was duty bound to offer him half anyway so she separated what she had. That crack about being prepared was stupid, she realized, and she hit herself on the head for having said it.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid!”

But as time went on, she began to wonder if he was even going to come back. It had certainly been more than an hour and there was still no sign of him. She wouldn’t blame him if he’d abandoned her altogether. Eventually she pulled out her blanket and tried to sleep. But the breeze was cold, the blanket thin and small, and the rock was hard. She snuggled up to the rock behind her closer, the heat of the day still radiating from it a little.

She heard him return finally, whispering her name, “Dodger? Are you there?”

“Sir? Yes, I’m here.”

“Sorry, it took longer than I thought. I’ve a little food if you’re interested,” he said, climbing up to where she lay.

Dodger took one look at the raw mystery meat he offered and shook her head. “Thanks, Sir. I really appreciate it. But I’m good.”

He nodded in the darkness, her eyes able to pick out his silhouette against the night sky.

“I’d cook it if I could. I don’t eat raw meat as a habit. But a fire out here isn’t a good idea.”

“I saved you some salad,” she said, sitting up and offering it.

“Thank you, I’ll take it young one,” he said. “We’ll be in the city by midday tomorrow. My friend will put us up and feed us when we get there.”

“Oh! That would be wonderful!” she said, not hiding the delight in having a more formal plan for her future, if even just for another night. She offered him her water.

The stranger took the water bottle gratefully and drank a draft before handing it back with a grunt, then lay down with his back to her and his jacket over his shoulders. It didn’t even reach to his tail, she noticed, then looked to her own blanket. Too small but better than that.

“This is silly,” she said. “Sir, turn around.”

“Hmm?” he grunted, turning over.

She snuggled up against him, stuck her tail between his legs and put the blanket over them both, using his arm for a pillow and pulling his other arm over her.

“A human would be warmer,” he said.

“I’m sure they would,” she agreed. “But you’re all I’ve got tonight. Now don’t get fresh. Goodnight, Sir.”

“Yellow-Eyes,” he said a little later. “Call me Yellow-Eyes.”

“You don’t have yellow eyes, do you?”

“You don’t know?,” he asked.

“I’m color-blind,” Dodger admitted, a little ashamed. “I really don’t know.”

“No, they’re not yellow.” he answered, shifting a little and obviously not planning to explain further.

“SIR!” Dodger exclaimed at a sudden poke in her backside. “I SAID DON’T GET FRESH!”

Yellow-Eyes reached between them and handed her knife back to her.

Dodger laughed nervously and accepted the knife, noticing the handmade sheath of leaves he had created for it. “Oh. Heh. Sorry.”

Part 2 – Evil Quill-Weave: First Caper

Author’s note: Images blatantly and obviously edited from Kazerad’s original Evil Quill-Weave posts. I don’t think he’ll mind. I really like this one. And it’s almost not lewd! (almost). Thanks to the discord folks on UPD5 for providing me with the worst imaginable names for Evil Quill-Weave by the way!

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“You need a name if you’re going to
be an arch-villain you know,” said the Faceless Mook. “You can’t just be some
nameless mystery villain.”

Quill-Weave sat back on her new
throne of skulls. Well, it was painted like skulls anyway. “I know, I know. But
it’s so hard to come up with a good name. Got any ideas?”

“How about Quill-Reave?”

Quill wrinkled her face in disgust.
“No. Lady something. Or maybe Mistress something.”

“Lady Quill-Reave?”

“Too close to my real name too. No,
it needs to bear some reflection on me though. Something unique.”

“Baddy Two-Tits?”

The wine spurted from her nose.
“Cute.”

“Mistress Cannonball Rack?”

“If possible, see if you can take
your mind out of my cleavage and think! Maybe something random…”

“Lady Kazerad”

“Don’t be ridiculous. What kind of
name is Kazerad?”

“A shitty one.”

“That’s the first thing you’ve said
that makes sense.”

“Um… Kill-Weave?”

Quill sighed. “I told you, it’s
hard! Let’s go with that for now. But I retain the option to change it later!
For now, Mistress Kill-Weave will do.”

“And I suppose I’m just supposed to
call you Mistress?”

“Of course! Like all good minions
do.”

Faceless Mook stood up from the
ebony (colored) table and stretched, “Well, Mistress, I’m going to call it a
day. The wife said I have to be home early today to help clean up the hovel.”

“You don’t tell her where you go
every day do you?

“Of course I do. Quill…”

“Mistress!”

“Sorry – Mistress, she’s my wife. I
tell her everything I do.”

“What do you tell her?”

“I tell her I’m going back to that
crazy Argonian’s tower.”

“And… she doesn’t mind?”

“Not when I bring back money every
day.”

“What if we were having an affair?
What about that?” Quill asked, rather insulted.

“If I was bringing back money every
day, she’d call me a gigolo. And then take the money.”

“You don’t tell her where my secret
lair is, do you?”

“Quill…”

“MISTRESS!”

“Mistress, everyone in the village
knows where your secret lair is.”

“They do?”

“They do.”

“Do they cower in fear?”

“Not… precisely. But the carpenter
did say nice things about you after you bought that chair from him.”

“Throne.”

“Sorry, ‘Throne’”

“Throne of Skulls.”

“Throne of Carved Skulls. Carved,
painted skulls.”

“Well dammit, where am I supposed to
get real skulls at anyway?”

“There’s always the graveyard.”

“EWWW! That’s just gross!”

“Sorry Mistress. But I gotta be
going.”

“Alright, but I expect to see you
bright and early tomorrow morning.”

“Noon.”

“Bright and early tomorrow at noon
then.”

“Goodnight Quill.”

“MISTRESS!!!”

“Goodnight Mistress,” said the Faceless Mook, as
he removed his Mook outfit and put on his regular clothes and walked out the
door, taking care to jiggle the handle so it latched properly.

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“Well, every villain has to start
with what she has available,” the Mistress of Evil thought to herself. “Now, I
need to start thinking about the future. I have to do something Evil. What can
I do that’s Evil tonight? Hmmm…”

She rose from her throne and began
the ascent to her bedroom. As she rounded the circular stairs to the top of the
tower, she looked out the small arched window. “No, you peed out the window
last night. Besides, then I’d just have to clean it up again in the morning. Something
even more Evil than that…”

Eventually she gave up, removed her
Evil garb, and continued her writing. She found that her writing was inspired
by these monthly trips to her lair at least. It wasn’t till she had climbed
into bed that she finally got an idea. Suddenly she was wide awake. Those
stupid villagers. They were probably talking about the crazy Argonian lady even
now. That wouldn’t do. That wouldn’t do at all! She had to inspire fear, and if
she couldn’t even get those rubes to fear her, what was the point?

But now she had a plan. It would
have to wait until they were all asleep, but then she would strike!

She heard the bats flying in and out
of the attic above her. Mooky had wanted to clear them out, but she knew
better. They were atmosphere. The
dungeon was even better. The manacles were a bit pricey, and they hadn’t a
speck of nice authentic rust on them yet, but they were necessary. She’d
considered buying a rack, but those things were damnably expensive! The
carpenter could make a fake one she guessed.

Finally the candle had burned low
and she estimated it must be after midnight. She smiled a toothy grin that
would have made an alligator proud and donned her villain outfit again. She
only got her tail stuck once this time and felt she was getting better at it.
Then she took the remains of her candle and crept down the stairs, pausing
momentarily to get what she needed.

Then she slunk out into the cool
night air. Before she’d gotten halfway to the village, she realized it was too
cool. A breeze was coming up as a storm approached. Suddenly a bolt of
lightning flashed in the distance and the slow rolling rumble of thunder
swelled.

“That’s more like it,” she thought.
“This is a night for Evil. Tonight, Mistress Kill-Weave will strike fear into
the hearts of those who would mock her! Crazy Argonian indeed! I’ll show them
Crazy!”

The moonlight disappeared as the
racing clouds covered it just as she neared the outskirts of the village. Just
as she’d hoped, the lights were all out and not a sound was heard, but for a
dog yapping from some far-away hut.

Suddenly she realized something.
“What if they have a dog?” As she approached the door of the nearest hut she
looked around her for signs of any pet. Her worries were dispelled when she saw
the yellow eyes of a black cat watching her. “No, no dogs here!” she realized.
As if in assurance, the cat padded over to her and stroked itself against her
leg. For a moment she wondered if cats could breathe underwater, but banished
the thought as irrelevant and unproductive. Instead, she slid from shadow to
shadow until she was at the door. She tried the latch.

“Unlocked. Of course. The innocent
peons,” she laughed to herself. Soon they would lock their doors and bolt their
windows every night now that Mistress Kill-Weave was near! The door
opened directly into the kitchen, and was as silent as she was. It took only a
little time to find what she was looking for.

When she emerged, the storm was
growing stronger and threatening to unleash it’s fury any minute as flash after
flash of lightning guided her back to her lair as if by her own dark lord’s
will. The howl of the wind was now growing and she laughed out loud, knowing
the scene of chaos that would present itself in the morning. The laugh, lost on
the wind, was the perfect cackle of an Evil Overlord.

Still, she thought, damn but these
leggings are thin. The wind raced
right up her dress and sent a shiver over her that was at once thrilling and
damned embarrassing. Maybe she shouldn’t have worn the Evil Outfit after all.

Suddenly something slapped her hard
in the face as the wind caught hold of her dress in earnest and blew the front
of it smack into her snout. She pushed it away, and used her tail to hold the
back side down.

And then the rain started. It went
from dry to monsoon in less than a second. As she staggered towards the tower
through the woods, she realized her high-heels were no longer appropriate in
the rain. She would definitely need to get boots. She removed her shoes, then
realized that she would ruin her leggings if she tried walking in them. Those
things weren’t cheap either. She wondered momentarily if leather was okay to
get wet, but decided it was pointless now. She did what was necessary and
removed the leggings and tucked them under one arm as her other tried in vain
to keep the front of her dress down with her free hand.

She was no longer feeling a thrill
at having a breeze blow up her dress. Now she just felt cold, wet and naked.
Miserable. She recalled Mae’s admonition, “Be
that woman.” Well, that woman wouldn’t be in this mess. But she saw the
tower close ahead and at least she was almost safe within its walls at last,
where she could dry off and try and salvage some dignity. At least no one had
seen her.

But something had seen her. Suddenly
she saw two glowing yellow eyes. The cat. It was hissing as it bounded towards
her. She tried to avoid it before she stepped on it, but it let out a yowl as
she tripped over it and she fell headlong into the mud just in front of the
tower door. The leggings were buried in mud. Slime and muck dripped from her
forehead as she raised her head to look at the door she’d almost reached, and
some of the water that flowed down her cheeks was not rain.

She staggered up again, now filthy
as well as wet and reached the door. The latch wouldn’t budge. She pounded on
the door, but the latch diligently did its duty and stayed latched. She slid
down and cried. Only a merciful God could explain why the door gave way when
she was at her most wretched, but open it did and she crawled in.

Eventually her tears dried up. She
peeled herself out of the dress, found a towel and dried herself off. Then she
half-walked and half crawled up the stairs to her room and wriggled into bed. A
few tears found their way out that apparently she’d saved up when she thought
of the beautiful outfit she’d surely ruined.

When she awoke, an afternoon sun was
shining through the window. A fresh set of clothes was waiting on the nearby
table that she stared at uncomprehendingly for a while. Then she realized she
was laying across the bed in her normal posture upon awakening, her upper body
slung over the edge. She felt oddly breezy too.

Then she remembered the night’s
disaster and realized she was still naked. Somebody had been in here and put
those clothes out for her. She closed her eyes and fought to make circumstances
different by sheer willpower. It didn’t work. She got out of bed and put on the
clothes and went downstairs.

“Good afternoon, Mistress!” the
Faceless Mook said in greeting.

She wasn’t sure if the man could see
the blush on her face. “Good afternoon Mooky. I suppose that was you who left
the clothes?”

“Sure was Miss Nipless! I saw your
outfit by the door when I came in too. Took ‘em to my wife. Look here. Good as
new!”

Suddenly Quill-Weave’s attitude
brightened considerably. She took the proffered clothes and held them up. They
were as advertised. Even the leggings showed no sign of the previous night’s
disaster.

“Oh, Mooky! THANK YOU!” Quill said,
tears of joy running down her cheeks as she gave him a hug fit for another
Argonian.

“Aww, wasn’t nothing. My wife did
most of the work. She’s a wizard with laundry. You should meet her sometime.”

“I will! I will!”

“We figured you got stuck out in
that storm last night. It was an awful storm. You must have been soaked.”

“Oh I was. But I made it back.
Eventually.”

"Well, all’s well that ends
well. Now, come and sit down. The wife made you something special for your
troubles.”

The cake on the table looked like it
was made by an angel. Quill walked over to it, her eyes wide and sparkling.

“For me?”

“Of course it’s for you! Here, I’ve
cut you a slice already. Say, what were you doing out there anyway last night?”

“I… well… I was doing something…
evil.”

“Oh! What did you do? Kill some
innocent animal or something?”

“No. I started thinking about what
you said. About the villagers. That business about the crazy Argonian lady. I
took my revenge!”

Suddenly the face on the Faceless
Mook became worried.

“Really? You’re first real Evil
Deed? What did you do?”

“Mooky, I did the most evil thing
imaginable. I sneaked into someone’s house and…”

“Yes? What did you DO
Mistress?!”

“I… replaced their sugar with….
SALT!” she said with an evil grin as she stuffed a big bite of cake into her
mouth.

After two full glasses of water, she
was able to talk again. But she didn’t say anything. She just sat on her skull
throne, sobbing miserably. She didn’t even see Faceless Mook take the cake away
and throw it into the trash bin. He left quietly after that, deciding that she
probably wanted to be left alone.