(A fanfic of a fanfic – yeah. I know. Stupid brain made me write this after my first playthough of Oblivion. I blame Kaz.)

Dearest Kitten,

Your mother wrote to me and told me about your plans to join the Imperial Legion. You’ve always told me how proud you are to be related to the Hero of Kvatch, and I’ve always been proud of you too. As I compose this letter, I am almost 70 years old now. My joints are creaking, my eyes are cloudy, and some of my fur doesn’t seem to want to grow back anymore. My memory, however, is still pretty good. Quill is helping me write this. She always was a better writer than me anyway, but what I’m about to relate to you, even she didn’t know before now.

You see, I have a strong sense that you are pursuing this path in life because of my fame, such as still remains. You think you have the blood of a Hero running through your veins, and that you are special. You are special, dear! But I need to disabuse you of the thought that I’m any sort of Hero before you make this your life’s calling. And you may certainly do so, kitten! But please don’t do it out of any thoughts of what I did all those years ago. You don’t know the real story.

I’ve never discussed this with anyone before now in detail. The major points of the story are true. Kvatch was burnt to the ground by the Daedra of Oblivion. The Oblivion gate did appear where they say it did. I did go through that gate into the Deadlands in order to close the gate, and I did remove the Sigil Stone which closed the gate. All that is true, and I’ve never taken it upon myself to argue with those that promoted my story. But there are aspects they, and you, don’t know.

Life in Tamriel is hard, kitten. When an opportunity comes, like this whole Hero nonsense, you take it and keep your mouth shut. I suggest you do the same. Burn this letter after reading it. You have a name that means something still, and this letter might destroy that advantage. That is not my intent. So please consider that. My life is nearly over, and nothing would bother me now, but your mother and your siblings can still take advantage of my name.

So, here goes. Quill has her fins up now I see. She always does that when she’s perked up. Well, I can’t avoid telling her too I suppose.

It all happened many years ago when I was young and foolish. I went by another name then, a name I just made up. I was a complete failure in life. I’d left your great grandmother’s land for Cyrodil after having botched up my life back home, and was well on my way to botching it up here when Quill took me in. Even then she was a well known writer, and to let me into her house as a wandering vagabond with no gold and no prospects was a kindness I’ll never forget.

Oh… she points out that she didn’t really let me in. Well, that’s so. But she didn’t kick me out either. One day shortly after we’d met, she sent me on some errand or other to Kvatch. Believe me, I had no idea about that whole Oblivion thing at the time! I was just going there on an errand for Quill, and no humbler traveler can be imagined. Had it not been for a soldier who befriended me, I probably wouldn’t have made it that far. But I was in Kvatch, screwing up that simple errand when the Gate appeared out of nowhere. Suddenly there were these creatures running around and killing people and burning things. I don’t mind telling you I ran for the chapel without a thought of anything but saving my own fur. I certainly was no hero. That word belongs with the city guards who were doing the real battling while I huddled under a pew.

Yes, I did. I pissed myself and lay shivering under a bench in the chapel with my eyes so locked closed I don’t think a giant could have pried them open. But then I felt Brother Martin touch me. I don’t remember what he said, but he got me to get back on my feet, found me some old leather armor to wear, and gave me some food. And not just me. There were others who’d taken refuge there. But it was his voice that brought me back to my senses. Even then it was calming yet powerful. Yes, it was that ‘Martin’, though of course I didn’t know it at the time. I did feel a sense of fear of him, but considering the things I’d just seen outside, I barely noticed.

A little later the Captain of the guard came in. He refused to let us leave though, but then he did the most incredible thing. He asked me if I would help him. ME?! It may have been the leather armor that Martin had me wear after I’d soiled my clothes, but he seemed to think I could help. Odder still, I decided to try it. I don’t know if it was the fright making me a little insane, or the honor I felt that he would consider me, a lowly worthless Khajiit, worthy of such responsibility.

Honestly I think it was the armor though. It made me feel… different. Like I could do something with my life. So I agreed.

Now kitten, I do have a few skills. Or at least, I did at that time. I was… good with men, and I knew some party tricks. But I also was good at running, great at sneaking and not too bad with a bow. I even could throw some weak little fireballs. The Captain gave me a steel bow and a quiver of arrows, and I took off for the gate.

I was barely through the gate when I knew I’d screwed up. There was this huge tower, and the place was hot. Pools of lava around the bit of land I stood on. But there was a guard there fighting some monsters nearby. I hid and shot one of them with my bow, and he dropped like a rock. I wasn’t too far away and they didn’t know I was there, so I got in another shot or two.

The guard finished off the others and told me about some sort of stone that powered the gate that was at the top of the big tower. Or maybe that was the guy in the tower that told me that. My memory isn’t what it used to be. Anyway, I headed for the tower and was really feeling like I could do something worthwhile at that point.

Anyway, I sneaked past quite of few of those things that lived there and got inside. I did kill one of them inside without any of the others noticing, and got into some sort of outer passage that wound up the tower. As I crept up, I saw this really big Daedra and a human fighter who was imprisoned in this sort of cage thing. I took a potshot at the big guy and hit him pretty good, but he came at me with fireballs like I could only dream of, and I ran like hell. One of the fireballs hit me square in the back and my armor caught fire. In desperation I turned around and saw the thing running at me, but my clothes were on fire!

Well, another thing I’m good at is taking off clothes… fast. I did so and had just enough time to send a couple more arrows at the guy when suddenly these spear things sprang out of the wall and hit him!

Apparently he’d set off his own trap. To this day I have no idea why I didn’t set it off. I’d ran past it twice. Maybe I was too light to trigger it, or maybe I just missed stepping on the trigger. Anyway, they skewered him good, which was a good thing because I’d used the last of my arrows.

I heard the weird voices of some of those creatures down the path below me and knew they were heading up. Slowly, thank goodness, but still – there I stood, naked as the day I was born and with nothing but a bow and no arrows for a weapon. I crept back up the ramp and talked to the guy in the cage. In different circumstances, I might have been embarrassed, but this was not a time to be concerned about modesty. Of course, we’ve got our fur to keep us somewhat modest too. And now that I remember it, I had something else. I… sort of painted myself… It’s a long story, but anyway the guard either thought I was wearing something or just didn’t care. But he pretty much commanded me to leave him and go get rid of that stone thing.

Honestly, I’m not sure if I’d have done it willingly, but those voices were getting closer and I really had no choice anyway. I had nothing to fight them with and there was no way out of that room but up. I’ve often thought of that human in the years since. I don’t think I want to know what happened to him, but I do think about him.

So I left and crept further up the tower. Fortunately I met no more Oblivion creatures till I came to a wider room with two doors facing towards the center of the tower. I peeked out and both led to an inner area with nowhere to hide, and lots of monsters lurking around. I really had no idea what to do next. If I walked through those doors, there was no hiding. I had no weapon. I had no armor. I didn’t even have any clothes! I sat and thought, and honestly I cried. “What the hell was I doing there?” I remember thinking.

But I didn’t have long to sit and ponder my options. Voices and steps began to come from lower down and were approaching me, and there was no where to hide in here either. Those footsteps were loud too.

Something big was coming. Lots of somethings. I had no choice any more. I opened the door to the inner ramp.

Eyes of various shapes turned to look at me. Malignant eyes. I began to run. Some were behind me, some were ahead of me, some were on the opposite wall of the tower. But none wanted me to be there. A fireball slammed into the wall behind me as one of them realized what it was seeing. I think by that time I was screaming. Not the cool, warrior scream of a Hero on the warpath though. The frightened, panicked and desperate scream of a young Khajiit.

I ran like my life depended on it. But it didn’t. My life depended on me not being there in the first place. My life was over, I had no doubt. The only reason I didn’t just sit down and cower and wait for the end was that my mind was no longer working. I was on automatic. I remember at one point I ran smack into a big Dremora that was still just kind of staring at me. I sprang back up and kept running, not even looking back.

Fireballs and other projectiles were smacking into the wall in front and behind me. I think one of them lit the tip of my tail on fire, but I was beyond caring. I was just running and screaming. One other thing I had was the ability to throw my own little fireballs. That didn’t last long before I was out of magic, and there’s no way I actually hit anything. But it at least helped get some of them out of my way.

I do vaguely recall one thought. I thought about how much I wish I had a good bra. Your grandmother never had much to speak of in that department, other than those few wonderful months after I had your mother. For just a while then, I was a fertility goddess! But running all out like I was, the little I had was bouncing around like mad. Painted on bras really do not help!

Then, somehow I found myself at the top. I dropped so I was out of the line of sight from those below and had a few scant seconds before they would overtake me from the sides. The stone was glowing weirdly on a sort of platform out over the yawning drop down the center of the tower. I knew I was dead, but I wanted to do this one thing before I died. I was beyond fright, though I think I was still screaming – or at least my mouth was trying to. My plan, such as it was, was just to grab the stone and drop it. It wouldn’t do any good to just grab it and then have those things put it right back.

Would it shatter if it fell from here? I had no way of knowing. But it was the only thing I could think of. I also thought about jumping over with it. Surely that death would be preferable to what those creatures would do to me. At least, I think that was my plan, if you can call it a plan. But something unexpected happened instead.

The power from the stone was incredible, and I probably looked like a fluff-ball by the time I reached it, but I did reach it. I pulled the stone out.

Then, somehow, I was standing outside the gate and was back in Kvatch. I don’t know how. I don’t know why. I was just there. I had no expectation of that happening. No one even gave me a clue that could happen. But I was there.

I was naked, hoarse and shaking. I was deaf too, I think due to that energy around the stone. The Captain of the guard ran up to me I remember, and put his cloak around me. Nice guy. I should see if he’s still with us.  Anyway, there were still Oblivion-things running around, but no new ones were coming through the gate and they were slowly being killed by the guards and some others that had arrived.

I found out later that they were calling me the Hero of Kvatch. They took me back to a little camp some way down the trail to the city. I met some people there, but it took me some time to understand that they weren’t backing away from me because I was a Khajiit. It wasn’t because I was naked underneath that cape. It wasn’t because I had painted my boobs and crotch with brown paint like a crazy person. They saw all that, but that wasn’t why they were looking at me with wide eyes. They were in awe. In awe of me, the Hero of Kvatch. The Khajiit that had single handedly entered Oblivion, climbed the tower and destroyed the gate.

My hearing returned later that day. My voice, a few days later. That was probably a good thing too. Otherwise I probably would have told someone what really happened. By the time I could, I’d already gotten praise from everyone for my adventure. Telling them the true story would be a big let-down, and an embarrassment to them as well. Sometimes the truth isn’t really that good of an idea. I kept my mouth shut and just said, “Thank you” to all my well-wishers.

Days later, I finally got to see Quill again. I was sort of at the head of a parade into her town. I’m sure she didn’t recognize me at first. I was wearing an outfit practically made for a Queen, but I stepped down from the carriage right in front of her house. I still remember her looking at me from her doorway as I approached, no recognition in her eyes at all.

I guess to some people all Khajiits look alike, even Quill.

I frowned and opened my blouse a bit. I may have flipped her off too. When she saw the painted-on bra, though, that did the trick. Once she got over the shock, she hugged me for the second, but not last, time in my life. The Hero of Kvatch had returned.

And that’s the true story. Quill gave me another hug just now. I guess she doesn’t think less of me. Since your grandfather died and I moved in here, she’s come to know me too well. She’s probably suspected all along that I wasn’t exactly Hero material. I got lucky, and a little insane. That’s all. So kitten, I hope I’ve explained well enough what happened. If you have some of my characteristics due to sharing my blood, those are probably not exactly the characteristics of a Hero.

Kitty, don’t be a Hero. I survived by pure dumb luck. You may not be so lucky. There are other occupations that can use our special talents better. If you insist on joining the Legion, remember to use those talents. Sneak. Learn archery. Run. It’s not cowardice to do those things. It’s using your advantages. It’s a sure bet any Orcs are going to use their muscles!

Quill just reminded me too, I never did finish that errand she sent me on. Figures she’d remember that. Anyway, one more word of advice before I finish. Always, and I mean always keep a good fitting bra. You will thank me later.

Now, do like I said and burn this letter. Then say hello to your mother for me, and I’ll be expecting you all to come and visit me and Quill again next month. Quill promises she won’t try to squeeze your cheeks again.

Love Always,

Your Grandma.